lost...just a simple word but..it can change the world..a world of ur own...the world of others..it can moved the world..it can moved a person to change the world...
only by this simple word it also can change a person's life...
lost can be anything...
either u will find that lost things again or totally loose it forever...
we never know...
i've "lost" lots of 'things' in my life...which things that accidentally missing...
or things that left me behind...
i lost my lucky pen...
i lost my favorite books..
i lost my memorable cds...and..
i do lost the person that i loved most...
this are the story...stories that had yet i told anybody how i felt...
my grandma...the person that i cherish most...
that i love,,,i adored...which the person who cared for me since i was born..
a person who sheltered me from the cruel and jealousy people around me....
who always be there whenever i need her...who also spoiling me with presents...mm...lots of them...but the most important things are...she always guide me..in becoming a person who i am now...shes my guardian angel..although she passed away when i was still young...all the memories and thought she gave me has becoming a guide for me in facing the world in front of me...all the things that she has said and done had been pass down to my mom..and now is passing down to me...
i miss her...
i miss her smile...
i miss all the memories we had together...
although its been 13 years ago..but her presence are here staying and guiding me in facing 'life'...
i can feel it...eerriieee??
but its just some sort of a feeling which i couldn't express tru words...
i still remember a moment which i neglected her because of some stupid things...i noe im still young and naive but as i thought bout it..im not supposed to do that...am i??
the nite after she left us...i dreamt of her... which i still remember until now..
i saw her...
shes smiling at me...she brought me to a place which i cant recall..the place was beautiful...i remember that the place was somewhere in a train station which are situated inside a forest...a very beautiful forest...the train station itself have its own architectural features which can be found in our Stesen KTM KL...
Its a very nice place...
she brought me into the forest...which then i saw a pond and a waterfall...the view are spectacular..(what i can remember)..she ask me to go with her inside the waterfall...she wanted to spend time with me..we bath..we played until the moment she say good bye...
although not by word but the gesture she make..shows its time for her to leave me.... again...
slowly she vanished tru the thin air...
i cried...and i cried until a nice and calm voice woke me up...
sitting beside me was my mother...
she hug me and slowly i stop crying..
i wanted to tell her but then im still a young girl who are trying to understand what are the message all bout...
i didnt tell anybody bout it until...now...
some say its a way of telling the one they love a message that they couldnt tell before they died..
some say its just "mainan tidur"
but whatever other people say...i believe thats the way of her saying good bye to me...
whenever i thought of her..i felt her warmth covering me...
my mom always said that i look pretty much just like her..not just by the looks but almost everything..
how i talk..
how i walk...
how i move...
which alway
s remind her of my grandma...my mommy love her so much..
although she never told me how she felt..as a daughter...i noe that she feel sad and lonely when my grandma died...sometimes i saw her crying...but she tried not to let me saw her crying....
she doesnt want me to noe bout it..coz she doesnt want me to feel sad...she had shown her strength...
she is tough....shes my mommy...
i love her so much..
beside my grandma...shes the one who always guided me...in facing my journey in becoming a 'woman'...
i love both of them...
they are my two heroin who always going to be my guardian angel...forever n eva...
i lost one of them...but..
i still have one who will always be there for me...
3 comments:
Mom's diary - July 2001 - If u could turn back time,U want to meet ur grandma, u want to hold her,kiss her,love her and u want her to know how your heart felt about her IF WE COULD TURN BACK THE TIME.But princess dearest...we are not God.
A story to my mother ( your Grandma dearest) How do you prepare for losing the only person who loved you unconditionally?who do not expect anything in return?who would welcome you in open arms even if you make a fool of yourself?and the whole world is against you?I did not expect to receive a call one morning at the office and my dad told me that mom's had passed away. When it happened, deep down inside me there was a sense of denial, of not wanting to accept the inevitable. For how would you prepare for losing someone who would sacrifice anything to ens
time does flies..but no matter what happen in the past will make us a btter person in the future..what happen in the past will make us somebody that sometmes we wouldnt expect..and things that happen in the past will make us stronger..makes us realize that altough we may have lost something in the past...there always be someone awaits us in the future...thank u mama 4 everything..that is just somthing i wanna share with u...
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